I will never meet him but I will hold his heart - blog banner

I Will Never Meet Him But I Will Hold His Heart

by

After my heart transplant, we were told to wait around a year before trying to contact the donor family. During that year, I thought about my donor often. Where were they from? How old were they? What led to them becoming an organ donor? 

Anonymity is a vital part of the organ donation process. With the ability to find things so easily with a few select keywords on Google, the transplant teams do not give recipients any more information about the donor than is absolutely needed. Sometimes donor families don’t want to meet recipients and sometimes recipients don’t want to meet donor families. This is what keeps the organ donation process running and is something that needs to be respected.

A Stranger’s Heart

My first few months post-transplant I was in recovery mode but after I started feeling more like myself and going out and doing more things, my donor would pop into my mind. Had they ever been to Disney World? Did I take this heart on its first trip to the Midwest? Had my donor ever left the country?

It was interesting to think about. This vital piece of me, that belonged to a stranger, I knew virtually nothing about. Where had this heart been before?

Near the end of my first year post-transplant, I finally decided to sit down and type my letter to the donor family. The letter was one page long and include my gratitude for their loved one’s gift, the circumstances around why I needed a heart transplant, and an offer to meet if they were ever interested. It was a relief when I finally sent my letter out to LifeCenter NW (the organization that procured the heart) to have them deliver it to my donor family. The ball was now in their court. If they wanted to respond, they could. If they didn’t, then that would be the end of it and I would go on with little information about my donor but still a grateful heart.

The Response

Several months passed after I sent the letter. Then one day I got a call from my transplant social worker telling me that there was a letter for me from the donor family. When I got the news, there were a lot of emotions but primarily I was excited to finally have my curiosity sated. This could be the first step toward having a chance to express my gratitude in person with my donor’s family.

The next week I wrote a short reply letter back to the donor family, including my email address, for LifeCenter NW to send back to them. Not long after, I began a dialog with my donor family via email. That was in August 2019 and, after a few exchanged emails, it was decided that my family and I would make the trip out to see them over Labor Day weekend.

A Meeting of Hearts

How do you plan for a meeting with people you have never met before but whose son’s heart is beating in your chest? This isn’t the type of encounter that many people ever have nor is it one where anyone would want to be a part of. Either you are a) A recipient who was on the verge of death whose life, although extended through organ donation, is irrevocably changed or b) Have a loved one who has passed away and now your life is left with an unfillable void from the loss.

To help me devise what to expect out of this meeting, I turned to the heart transplant survivor Facebook groups I joined post-transplant. I’m not extremely active in these groups but the information contained within them is invaluable. From those waiting on a heart to survivors 30+ years out from their transplants; knowledge and experiences are vast with an answer to almost any question you may have on a topic.

Although no two experiences were the same, I was comforted by reading each recipient’s story about meeting their donor family. Some were quick with the recipient and donor family not really keeping in contact. Some were intimate, with recipients being welcomed into the family – invitations to weddings, playing with the deceased’s children, and regular inclusion in family events.

Of course, with a little searching on the internet, you can’t help but come across those videos. You know the ones I’m talking about. They are just as bad as those military homecoming videos. I’m not going to lie, I can’t get enough of them. Maybe we are all just looking for a good reason to cry sometimes? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, type recipient meets donor family in Google. Don’t forget the tissues…

Meeting My Hero’s Family

When Labor Day weekend arrived, I felt as prepared as I could be for the meeting with my donor family. That Saturday we were going to meet them in a park. No real details beyond that had been discussed so I didn’t really know what members of his family would be there or how long they would like to meet. I left all of this up to them and was willing to be flexible to whatever suited them best. Their son/brother/uncle had given me life. The least I could do was work around their schedules over the holiday weekend.

When we arrived at the park, we found a blue canopy set up close to the playground. Under the canopy were tables with food, photos albums, and a poster filled with pictures. When my donor’s parents saw me, they immediately came over to give me a hug and welcomed me to sit down. I brought a bear with my heartbeat in it and a stethoscope for them to listen to their son’s heart.

Talking with the donor family under the canopy

My donor’s family was incredibly nice and open with me. Along with his parents, his brother and sister were there along with a few nieces and nephews. They reminded me of my own family in many ways which helped me to feel more comfortable. They told me about their son. First just the normal things anyone tells you about a person you have never met. As the afternoon wore on, however, various fun family stories started popping up. And as it got even later, more serious matters came to light. One of those matters being the how and the why of how we ended up where we were that day.

  • My donor’s neice pushing my daugher on the swing
  • The kids played all day
  • My donor’s parents with their grandchildren and my kids

I Forgot The Tissues

I experienced many emotions on that day. I’m not typically an emotional person but my tears flowed sporadically throughout that afternoon’s meeting. How could they not though? The whole thing was just so incredibly sad. When I finally looked at the poster filled with pictures of my donor, I felt a lump start to grow in my throat. In those pictures was a young man. Blonde-haired and blue-eyed, tall and a bit lanky. 

I thought about his family. Having my own children, I imagined myself in his mother’s place. Whenever the thought of anything even remotely bad happening to my kids pops into my mind, the tears well in my eyes. Children are not supposed to die before their parents. There is nothing that I can imagine in this life worse than the loss of your own child. 

My husband and myself with my donor’s parents
  • My donor’s siblings weren’t comfortable watching their parents listen to the heart so we did this the next day

I Will Never Meet Him But I Will Hold His Heart

I’m very happy that I had the chance to meet my donor’s family. I had wondered about my donor and his family for months. Finally getting the chance to meet them has, in a way, closed up a few holes in my heart. Now it is not so much walking around with some stranger’s heart in my chest. Now I feel as if I am carrying his heart with all of the warmth and love from his family. I have knowledge of who he was and a responsibility to live a life worthwhile for both of us.

3,597 thoughts on “I Will Never Meet Him But I Will Hold His Heart”

  42. На mikro-zaim-online.ru Екатерина Подольская, выпускница с красным дипломом МФТИ, выступает как ключевой технологический эксперт. Ее опыт в ведущих технологических компаниях и ее способности в разработке инноваций для финансовой сферы делают ее неоценимым активом нашей команды. Ее роль в обеспечении безопасности и эффективности нашего сайта является основой для предоставления качественных услуг нашим клиентам. Больше о Екатерине и наших инновационных подходах можно узнать на https://mikro-zaim-online.ru/o-nas/

    Reply

  44. Discover the perfect way to unwind with Erotoons.net, where our selection of adult comics offers something for everyone. Each story is a masterpiece of adult entertainment, providing a mix of excitement and artistry. Whether you’re looking for a quick escape or an immersive experience, Erotoons.net delivers with its exceptional range of comics for the mature audience. Make your evening memorable with our adult-only content.

    For those with a taste for the sophisticated and sensual, our katie’s training porn comic at Erotoons.net offer an unparalleled experience.

    Reply

  53. Если ты спрашиваешь себя: ‘Где срочно взять деньги без отказа и проверок?’ – у меня для тебя отличный ответ! На expl0it.ru ты можешь мгновенно оформить займ без отказа и проверок. Это прямо то, что нужно, когда срочно требуются финансы, а времени на ожидание нет. Просто в пару кликов – и решение твоих финансовых вопросов уже на подходе!

    Reply

  61. Torrent-mass.ru предлагает вам уникальную возможность скачать на пк игры торрент – от классических шедевров до новинок этого года. Открывайте новые уровни, персонажей и миры, не покидая уютной атмосферы вашего дома. Наш сайт обновляется ежедневно, предлагая самые свежие и востребованные игры, чтобы вы всегда оставались в курсе последних игровых трендов.

    Reply

  78. Monitor phone from anywhere and see what’s happening on target phone. You will be able to monitor and store call logs, messages, social activities , images , videos, whatsapp and more. Real-time monitoring of phones, No technical knowledge is required, no root is required.

    Reply

  243. Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank
    for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success.
    If you know of any please share. Kudos! You can read similar blog here: Najlepszy sklep

    Reply

  246. Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins
    to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get
    my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success.

    If you know of any please share. Cheers! You can read
    similar blog here: E-commerce

    Reply

  422. PBN sites
    We will establish a structure of private blog network sites!

    Advantages of our self-owned blog network:

    We carry out everything so GOOGLE DOES NOT understand THAT this is A private blog network!!!

    1- We obtain web domains from distinct registrars

    2- The main site is hosted on a VPS hosting (VPS is fast hosting)

    3- The rest of the sites are on different hostings

    4- We designate a distinct Google ID to each site with confirmation in Search Console.

    5- We design websites on WP, we don’t utilize plugins with assistance from which Trojans penetrate and through which pages on your websites are generated.

    6- We do not duplicate templates and use only unique text and pictures

    We never work with website design; the client, if wanted, can then edit the websites to suit his wishes

    Reply

  458. PBN sites
    We establish a structure of privately-owned blog network sites!

    Advantages of our private blog network:

    We carry out everything so Google DOES NOT realize THAT this A PBN network!!!

    1- We buy domains from distinct registrars

    2- The principal site is hosted on a VPS hosting (VPS is fast hosting)

    3- Additional sites are on different hostings

    4- We assign a separate Google account to each site with confirmation in Google Search Console.

    5- We design websites on WordPress, we don’t utilize plugins with assisted by which Trojans penetrate and through which pages on your websites are created.

    6- We do not repeat templates and use only distinct text and pictures

    We do not work with website design; the client, if desired, can then edit the websites to suit his wishes

    Reply

  526. Understanding the complex world of chronometers
    Understanding COSC Validation and Its Importance in Watchmaking
    COSC Certification and its Strict Standards
    Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, or the Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, is the official Switzerland testing agency that verifies the accuracy and precision of wristwatches. COSC validation is a mark of quality craftsmanship and trustworthiness in chronometry. Not all watch brands seek COSC validation, such as Hublot, which instead sticks to its proprietary demanding criteria with mechanisms like the UNICO, attaining comparable precision.

    The Art of Exact Timekeeping
    The central system of a mechanized timepiece involves the spring, which supplies power as it loosens. This mechanism, however, can be prone to external elements that may impact its precision. COSC-validated mechanisms undergo rigorous testing—over 15 days in various circumstances (five positions, three temperatures)—to ensure their resilience and reliability. The tests measure:

    Typical daily rate precision between -4 and +6 secs.
    Mean variation, highest variation rates, and effects of thermal changes.
    Why COSC Validation Matters
    For timepiece fans and collectors, a COSC-accredited watch isn’t just a piece of technology but a proof to lasting quality and precision. It signifies a timepiece that:

    Offers outstanding dependability and precision.
    Provides assurance of superiority across the whole construction of the timepiece.
    Is apt to maintain its worth better, making it a wise choice.
    Famous Chronometer Manufacturers
    Several renowned brands prioritize COSC accreditation for their timepieces, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, presents collections like the Archive and Soul, which showcase COSC-certified mechanisms equipped with advanced materials like silicon balance suspensions to improve durability and performance.

    Historical Background and the Development of Timepieces
    The idea of the timepiece originates back to the need for precise timekeeping for navigation at sea, highlighted by John Harrison’s work in the 18th cent. Since the official establishment of Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres in 1973, the certification has become a yardstick for assessing the precision of luxury watches, sustaining a tradition of superiority in watchmaking.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-validated timepiece is more than an aesthetic selection; it’s a dedication to quality and precision. For those valuing accuracy above all, the COSC certification provides tranquility of thoughts, ensuring that each certified watch will function reliably under various circumstances. Whether for individual satisfaction or as an investment decision, COSC-accredited timepieces stand out in the world of horology, carrying on a legacy of meticulous chronometry.

    Reply

  531. Understanding COSC Certification and Its Importance in Watchmaking
    COSC Certification and its Demanding Standards
    COSC, or the Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres, is the authorized Switzerland testing agency that verifies the accuracy and accuracy of timepieces. COSC certification is a symbol of quality craftsmanship and reliability in chronometry. Not all watch brands seek COSC accreditation, such as Hublot, which instead follows to its own demanding standards with movements like the UNICO calibre, achieving similar precision.

    The Science of Precision Chronometry
    The core system of a mechanized watch involves the spring, which supplies energy as it loosens. This system, however, can be vulnerable to environmental elements that may affect its accuracy. COSC-accredited mechanisms undergo rigorous testing—over 15 days in various conditions (5 positions, 3 temperatures)—to ensure their resilience and dependability. The tests measure:

    Average daily rate accuracy between -4 and +6 secs.
    Mean variation, maximum variation rates, and effects of temperature changes.
    Why COSC Accreditation Matters
    For timepiece aficionados and connoisseurs, a COSC-accredited watch isn’t just a piece of technology but a demonstration to enduring excellence and accuracy. It symbolizes a watch that:

    Presents exceptional reliability and precision.
    Offers guarantee of superiority across the whole design of the timepiece.
    Is likely to retain its worth more effectively, making it a smart choice.
    Popular Timepiece Brands
    Several well-known brands prioritize COSC certification for their watches, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, offers collections like the Record and Spirit, which showcase COSC-accredited movements equipped with innovative materials like silicon equilibrium springs to enhance resilience and performance.

    Historic Background and the Evolution of Chronometers
    The concept of the timepiece dates back to the need for exact timekeeping for navigation at sea, emphasized by John Harrison’s work in the eighteenth century. Since the formal foundation of Controle Officiel Suisse des Chronometres in 1973, the validation has become a standard for evaluating the accuracy of high-end timepieces, continuing a legacy of superiority in watchmaking.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-validated timepiece is more than an aesthetic choice; it’s a dedication to quality and accuracy. For those appreciating accuracy above all, the COSC accreditation provides peace of thoughts, ensuring that each certified timepiece will operate dependably under various circumstances. Whether for individual satisfaction or as an investment decision, COSC-accredited watches stand out in the world of horology, bearing on a legacy of meticulous chronometry.

    Reply